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Thursday, July 22, 2010

A Peaceful Existence

It's after 2:00am and I'd turned off most of the lights, readying myself for bed.  It's not unusual for me to be up at this hour.  It's a carry-over from all the years I worked the evening (and occasional night) shift at the hospital.  Some habits die hard.

I opened the back door to let Grace out for her late-night before bed check of the back yard and the sounds of the yard in the darkness offered such a blanket of peace.  In the night air was the sound of the Georgia (month of July) trio. That of crickets, frogs, and cicadas.  The crickets and frogs are there most nights, but lately the cicada sounds have been getting stronger.  So strong that they make the Georgia pines seem to vibrate.  What a frightening sound it must be for strangers to the area.  To me, to us here in the deep, deep south, it's a sound of peace and comfort.

As I stood in the dampness of the early morning, the smell of damp dirt filled my nostrils with each deep breath.  I love that fragrance!  Damp air with mingled smells of dirt.  Maybe some newly mown grass from earlier in the day.  Standing there, I realized that it has been a very long time since I've felt so at peace with things.  Mostly with myself.  I think I am finally moving in a direction that makes me happy.  I'm moving toward finding out what it is that I really want to do.

John preached on Moses today in church.  I mentioned to someone that I felt John was telling everyone my story.  My story of feeling inadequate and not knowing what it is that God wants me to do or even where He wants me to be.  I've become more patient and more attentive in listening to that voice in my ear.  "Go, Linda.  You are able to do this because I am with you.  You are not alone in this journey.  You never have been.  It is better to fail than not to try.  Go."  Moses couldn't believe that God would want to use someone with his past, who had made the mistakes he had made.  We all make mistakes and the visual sign of the cross tells us that we can let the past and our mistakes go.  That has all been forgiven and we can now move ahead to a more purposeful life, a life that we AND God will be proud of.

Yep.  All that came to me while I was waiting for Grace.  All I had to do was listen and open to that voice in my ear.
Have mercy on me, O God,
    according to your unfailing love;
    according to your great compassion
    blot out my transgressions.
Wash away alll my iniquity
    and cleanse me from my sin.
    --Psalm 51:1-2


Coffeypot said...

I took my dogs out tonight and just set enjoying the quiet and watching them sniff out what ever they smell on the ground. I love the night.

Rose said...

wow! some deep thinking when you go outside with your Grace, sometimes it takes time to figure out what direction we want to go. i retired about 5 years always worked. tok awhile to find peace and what i want to do . i enjoy people and volunteer with Hospice.

Erin Wallace said...

This is lovely. I am fascinated with cicadas and love their trill. They are the sound of summer for me.

xo Erin

Deb said...

What a beautiful post...thank you so much for sharing your heart!! I think that once we "retire"...and spend a lot of time alone with God...we get more at peace with ourselves...at least that's what happened for me!! Thanks for leaving such sweet comments over at Jeremiah 29:11!!!

Mama Kayla said...

This was such a beautiful post. I too, feel at peace in my life right now and it's a very nice feeling. Sometimes it just takes some time to get there.

This post also made me miss home..the smell of earth, the tall trees, the crickets and frogs singing in the night. <3

Thanks for sharing!