A Part of ME is Missing

For the past week I've been going through a time of trying to regain myself. The past few months have brought changes to my life that weren't planned, much less wanted. A large part of ME was lost when I was no longer working as a nurse. That had been a large spiritual release for me, my own little ministry. That was where I was meant to be, doing what I was meant to do. In that little part of the world I was able to find those who needed something other than my medical and nursing skills. I was able to offer words of encouragement that I wasn't comfortable offering away from there. When I look back on some of those situations, I really, really think that I made a difference in some of those lives. Not just taking care of the sick and injured children and their concerned families but offering words of love and hope. It must be true. Why would the grieving mother of a child gone to be with Jesus ask me to offer words at her service. Why would children and their families return time and time again to visit when their health was good?
This has all come back to me today as I read the obituary of a young man, 18 at his death, who I had taken care of since he was toddler age. He was a Cerebral Palsy child and over the years I had the opportunity to take care of not only him but a couple of his siblings. I know much about his family and now feel that I must go to pay my respects to them. His service will be on Monday and that is my plan. I'll go alone and be with the family for a while, maybe remembering things about his many, many visits to the hospital. This is helping me to remember that I really did do good while I was there. I really did. And now I must find a replacement for all of that. Somewhere out there is a place that is just waiting for me to fill a void. I'll find it. I have to. That is the part of me that is missing.

It's hard, Lord, to reveal my heart to you,

Though it's the thing I most want to do.

Remind me in this dialogue that you already know what is within me.

You wait - O thank you! - hoping

for the gift of my willingness to acknowledge

the good you already see and the bad you've long forgotten.

~~from 'Bedside Book of Prayers'~~